Need some post divorce advice.?

I just went out for movies with friends and they brought up my ex husband in a conversation......sigh : It's been a month seen I saw or spoke to him. There was no msg or e-mails cuz he went back to another province to stay with his family. He tried to avoid me cuz the divorce was 99% my fault. Hey, I learned my lessons and paid for the price. The problem is, we still have legal issues to resolve but we just refuse to have anything to do with each other. When we were married, we were so close that we did everything together...like the closest buddy that you share life's essence with. I am hurt too and this pain of separation between us is unbearable. I want to know how I should deal with this and after all the paper work is processed, should I completely cut ties with him? Can I pretend he is dead? Can couples that was once beyond close and familiar with each other just turn face like that?

Need some post divorce advice.?
I know exactly how you feel. You need to release him with love. You'll go through many emotions: hurt, betrayal, anger, depression. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, pamper yourself at this time, but treat him with kindness and love in honour of what you once shared. It was a beautiful relationship at one time, and you need to forgive yourself. I can sense that you still love him very deeply, and I think he loves you too. This is why he moved away. Maybe you need to talk or write to him, let him know how you feel, don't hold back anything, don't hide anything, and ask his forgiveness. You're not asking him to take you back. You just need to find peace. Let him know how much you treasure the beautiful parts of the relationship. Letting go with love will give you peace of mind.
Reply:I really like Angelia's answer. I have made "LARGE" mistakes in my marriage also probably the same kind you have,but there is "NOTHING" on earth stronger then love.Wouldn't give this advice to anybody but, let your heart be your guide.
Reply:Sometimes you just have to do that. If there are no kids involved, it's probably best. And it will be easier to get over.
Reply:it happens all the time just be glad that no kids are involved, time to move on, try doing things for you, things you enjoy, then get some rebound sex
Reply:No. You can't pretend he is dead, he will always be a part of you but just in the past. Hey who knows maybe one day you can be civil to each other. If you have children together then you will always have to have a certain relationship because you have something that ties you .
Reply:It must be HARD... I was never married but I was with my ex for 5 years and he fell out of love. I still love him and it hurts me that he's in love with someone else and he's taking care of her son as his. I do suggest you to completely cut all ties with him it is difficult but in the end it's the best thing you can do. I assure you that you will be better off that way. I tried to remain friends with my ex but he tried and tried to have sex with me... Everytime I turned him down because I know that's all he wants and I am not willing to get hurt and be used for sex... Just try to relax and remember to love yourself... Time heals all wounds... Best of Luck
Reply:thats why you have people like me here to give support. i screwed up bad recently and wish someone would come and strangle me. stay strong like you are already and you will see it will get less difficult. i know you will have t osee him but try to make things.....less painfull by showing you messed up and that you have punished enough
Reply:heres some advice dont get devorsed
Reply:if you're adult enough to get married and then divorced, you're adult enough to make up your own mind. I'd say, either do what you want, when you want to do it, or don't...only you and he can make those decisions...not anyone on Yahoo.
Reply:You don't say what you did but at least you admit it was 99% your fault. If he dosen't want to see you, leave him alone.
Reply:Unfortunately i was on the opposite end then u are, my x husband let me, and i loved him for 8 years after the divorce.. although i never actted upon that love i secretly prayed and hoped he come back to me and the kids and make us a complete family again. Then one day i woke up asking myself why? He had put us through so much pain, why was i still holding on to the slightest hope? Because i wasnt in love with who he was now, i was in love with who he once was and he isnt that same person, so i had to learn to cope by feeling that i will always love him , till the day i die, but the man i love no longer exsists someone else took his place, its as if i mourn for someone that is dead to me now. So yes u can pretend someone is dead if u need to.





Unfortunately u were the cause of your divorce..and if u love him, you need to love him enough to let go.. sometimes love isnt cut and dry and sometimes loving someone means making the ulitmate sacrafice of letting them go so they can go on and be happy in their lives. You can always love him.. and no u cant turn off ur love for someone like a faucet and sometimes it takes years to get over someone u loved so dearly.. but u do have to find away of letting go..
Reply:Its been awhile since I have been in a relationship but I will give my two cents of advise and I hope it will help you. Relationships are not easy to get over and unless you totally hate him, its going to linger in your system for either awhile or for the rest of your life. You asked that how can you deal with the pain of seperation? There is nothing you can really do resolve that feeling of seperation. To pretend that you are dead, finding ways to avoid it is just burying that hurt inside and it will only exacerbate the feeling of hurt that is going on within you. My advise is to be aware of it and do not move from it and face it but dont act on it. The more you are aware of it, the less it will have its impact on you. Acting out of your pain will only make you feel worst. The pain is there because the image which you have formed about yourself and your ex has now been shattered. The closeness that you have felt towards your ex, as you can see, are images you have built up about him and yourself. Like most of us, we form images to feel secure in this world, with things and people but life does not follow the guidelines of the thoughts of the mind. There is no security to found in this existence with people or things. It is the nature of all things that everything is appearance. If you can see beyond the images formed by the mind, then your relationship among people and things will become different. You become very sensitive to how your mind form images and never trust them to give any comfort to you and with this, comes clarity and acceptance for what is. This also goes for love that people tend to form because we dont want to be alone. We want to feel secure, accepted, and part of something greater than ourselves but the love for another, no matter how real the feeling seems has its birth in the mind and whatever the mind creates, is always false. Can you remain with the image and see it for what it is and not judge it for right or wrong? To not rationalize it away or blame anyone(this includes yourself) for it?








Remain aware





Peace
Reply:Hey...





I just got out of the same thing, we werent married but lived together and did everything, i mean everything together...We were in love and it hurts and still hurts. Listen, if you want to be with him, ask him to forgive you and dont get divorced. If you still want the divorce, sign the papers, and move on. If you want to fully get over him, you have to cut ties. Its gonna hurt but someone really smart told me that your self worth is worth more...Cut ties, start seeing other people (when ur ready of course) and go from there...





Good luck EEE...I will pray for you
Reply:Kinda late to feel bad now...you did it now you have to live with it...leave the guy alone...you did enough damage. Move on
Reply:Divorce is hard. This is how it is described to those that have studied it. You are now grieving the loss of your dearest love...but he isn't dead. He's simply rejected you. And yes, he will quite likely cut ties with you forever because he to is going through the painful process.





The stages of grieving.


1. Shock and Denial


2. Volatile Reactions


3. Disorganization and Despair


4. Reorganization and Acceptance





You will get through it all. It will just take time...probably a lot of time. But in time things will be better and you will move forward.
Reply:everything happens for a reason, we may not see it now, but i do know that when one door shuts, another will soon open ! remember being wrong 99% or 1 % it's all wrong ! we can not change the past, but we can make the future better by learning from our mastakes and being better to the ones we love and our selves ! smile and let your heart be happy ! butcher.....
Reply:You said it was 99% your fault. You didn't state what you actually DID, but you should try to make peace with yourself first. Divorce is like having a death in the family. It hurts at the onset, pains you when you think about it when it's fresh, and good memories seem to flood your mind when you think of it. You say that you were close as two people could be and now you don't talk at all. Right now with the separation being so fresh, it's going to take your spouse time to get a handle on what ever it was you did to him. Some people take longer to grieve and get past the initial anger, but give him time. I would personally go to where he lives and try to get him to at least talk to you about the divorce proceedings. If talking to him face to face doesn't work, then talk to your attorney. If you don't want the divorce, advise your attorney that you would like to reconcile with your husband and set up a meeting along with his attorney and you guys try to work it out. With others present, he is more than likely to listen and pay attention b/c he has to pay this lawyer for his time. Don't let this drag out. Try to get a handle on your emotions before you speak with him. If you have to, write out a list of the things you want to say to him. When emotions take over a conversation, nothing actually gets said and it leaves you with unanswered questions.


I hope that whatever you did can be forgiven by your spouse. Marriage is a good thing and when you have one that worked before a major FUBAR, then you have something rare and wonderful.


Best of luck to you.