Prologue to my story?? *posted before plot on my other posts* email me for chapter 1!?

PROLOUGE - FESTIVITIES


It was the fifteenth year and a celebration of enormous proportions was burning away in the clearing. The bonfire took up a large section of the glade but still allowed room for dancers, musicians and excited townsfolk. I could pick out the face of every child and elder in the clan, for the whole community was to rejoice at the fifteen year milestone. With every puff of smoke charging to the sky I became more and more sickened, I had no reason to be overjoyed. My gaze drifted across the fire to Elder Jineuax, the head and founder of the clan. He was positioned on a log beside the fire pit and his black eyes stared directly back at me. Elder Jineuax wasn’t chanting as the others were.


And he wasn’t rejoicing either.


I tried to hold my head steady as the nausea worsened. I made a small gasping noise that I thought was too quiet to hear, but I already had Jaela kneeling next to me on the dirt. Once again, Jaela was overly concerned.


“Lea? Lea!” I kept refocusing my eyes on the floor. She had me by the shoulders now, forcing me to face her.


“Lea, you don’t look so good,” worry was plastered all over her dark face, a very familiar mask, “you’re really, really pale!”


Jaela and Harley were the closest things I had to family, and I was used to that look, her dark, midnight eyes would squint and turn crescent shaped while her even darker eyebrows would raise and pull together. All in one swift movement her mouth would drop slightly then twitch, and the pink scar off the edge of her right cheek would lift just the tiniest bit with it. It was a classic Jaela face.


“Let go of me!” I ripped my shoulders out of her reach, “I’m just a little faint. And I swear Callamus Jaela if you don’t stop worrying like that you’ll be too. Not everybody is exactly happy about the fifteenth!” Jaela stood back up, clearly offended, and stared over the embers. Opposite Jaela and I, Harley was having a good time. It was nearly impossible for her not to enjoy herself. Harley adored dancing along to the drum beat, skipping along side the scarce amount of male peers we had, showing that she could, if she wanted to, let her guard down. Nobody here lets their guard down though, not even Harley.


“Jaela…” I began my apology, “You know I didn’t –“


“No Lea, really, I understand, no apologies needed,” she sighed, dramatically, “But shouldn’t you be happy your training’s done?” Jaela seemed hopeful this time but she knew what my answer was.


My eyes stung with angry tears. I blinked them back impatiently, keeping up my independence charade. I glanced up at her scowling


“No.”


I knew she’d known my answer.

Prologue to my story?? *posted before plot on my other posts* email me for chapter 1!?
Ya its sounds entertaining although i havent read the first part. Gripping prolouge is important along with being descriptive and you seem to have both in my opinion. But out of curiosity what target age are you aiming for?
Reply:I posted about this a little earlier.





I see you've entered more information about Harley in there, and that's good; but try and make it flow more and not seem like a random tangent.





There are also some minor punctuation errors =)





And again, find your true voice.





Good luck!
Reply:It's pretty cool! although, if i was you, i would post anything you have now on worthyofpublishing.com and give people the link instead of emailing it to random people. it's copywright protected that way. No one can copy and paste and call it their own on that site.