Thursday, August 19, 2010

How can I phrase this better?

I have a subtitle that I want to add into my newsletter feature, but I don't like how I've phrased it.





2006 was a year of incredible growth for %26lt;company%26gt;. In order to support the rapid increase in business, %26lt;company%26gt; hired over 50 new employees. In an effort to ease confusion around the building, the following feature has been put together to help everyone become familiar with the new faces around the facilities.





I don't like the "feature has been put together" part. And I don't want to say "I" or "we" in the subtitle. Any ideas as to how I could make that flow better? Or change it all together?

How can I phrase this better?
2006 was a year of incredible growth for %26lt;company%26gt;. In order to support the rapid increase in business, %26lt;company%26gt; hired over 50 new employees. In this feature, we hope to ease some confusion around the facility by introducing the new faces.
Reply:How can I phrase this better?


I have a subtitle that I want to add into my newsletter feature, but I don't like how I've phrased it.





2006 was a year of incredible growth for %26lt;company%26gt;. In order to support the rapid increase in business, %26lt;company%26gt; hired over 50 new employees. In an effort to ease confusion around the building, The %26lt;company%26gt; ,home office , has started a new program to help everyone become familiar with the new faces around the facilities.
Reply:I think I would use the word Tips instead of features
Reply:2006 was an incredible year of growth for %26lt;company%26gt;. To support the rapid increase %26lt;company%26gt; hired more than 50 new employees. To ease confusion, a new feature has been added to help everyone become familiar with all the new faces in the facility.
Reply:How about something like "In an effort to ease confusion around the building , the following feature has been implemented to help everyone become....."
Reply:change feature to pamphlet, or information, or whatever it is. I don't like the word feature in there either.
Reply:2006 was a year of incredible growth for %26lt;company%26gt;. In order to support the rapid increase in business, %26lt;company%26gt; has hired over 50 new employees. In an effort to ease confusion around the building, this new column has been created to help everyone going forward to become familiar with our new coworkers.
Reply:How about "the following is available"
Reply:the best things that make know and get familiar with places and where i've not beem before are directional signals. And your phrase can rightfully be replace with this.
Reply:Instead, try:





...the following program is being implemented...
Reply:2006 was a year of incredible growth for __. In order to ease the rapid increase in business, ____ hired over 50 new employees. Feel free to introduce and familiarize yourselves with new faces of (company name). We have organized a feature to help prevent confusion and promote a strong sense of community within the workforce.
Reply:After "hired over 50 new emplyees", put "The new employees are featured below".
Reply:2006 was an incredible year of growth for (company). To support the rapid increase in business, (company) hired over fifty new employees.





This information packet has been designed to assist employees ease confusion about (company) building and help them become more familiar with the new faces around the facility.

dental assisting

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