What do you think of my poem?? poem 4?

I just recently wrote some poems and I just wanted to see what everyone thought of it.. any suggestions, opinions ideas are greatly appreciated. THANKS!








My Childhood Home


There was a coziness and warmth to it


A place where it was filled with love and happiness


No other place can take its place.


There, it had a picture of a family so familiar on the wall,


And an album full of faces i recognize


I remember this pace, this thing so deep in my heart


Where it had tattooed itself.


I was there through the years of my childhood


It had always smelt of mommy's magnificient cooking


The love in that place was unconditional


The place I dream of being when life gets too rough.


When I was there I was not afraid of anything


It was the pace of safeness like a security blanket,


It would never leave you,


But you would eventually "grow out" of it


This place was my childhood home.

What do you think of my poem?? poem 4?
Hey,


We all have a chilhood place and yours sounds like one i'd like to have if I was a child again...


Great poem!


Lovely work keep writting.





Cassie xxx
Reply:good poem i hope you keep up the good work
Reply:This is for the soldiers





Lord please bring them home


The children don't know


Where mommy and daddy went


All they know is, they are gone





We all knew the call would come


When we watched the towers fall


America, they were so brave


Oh, just look at what they gave





God Bless Them One And All





Lord this is for the soldiers


Please God let them know


That our hearts are with them


No matter where they go





These wars, when will they end?


Not as long, as there is a man


Trying to conquer the world


With a gun in his hand





There are people, on the streets


They protest the war


Do you think our soldiers wonder


What they're fighting for?





We know the ones that make it home


Will never be the same


Father please bless and protect them


We ask in Jesus name





From: The Voice In My Head


By H.L. Wright





This is one of my poems. I am a writer of poetry, mostly of the christian nature.











Your poem has potential, ( there is to much repetition,) try to find other words to use instead. (ex: nothing will ever take its place, instead of no other place will take its place.) Try this, a place full of love and happiness, (instead of a place where it was filled with love and happiness) You fill your sentences with to many un-nessary descriptive words,(overkill). try this:





there is a picture of my family


so familiar on the wall


and the album full of faces


I recognize them all





I hope these few hints have helped you.
Reply:Me think this poem is best one yet!!





Me hope words are true so little girl can grow up to be healthy well adusted cave girl!!!!








UGH!
Reply:i thinks its cool
Reply:Very well written!! It sounds awesome! You need to publish a book of poems so more people can see your talent!! I love poetry like that!!