What are your comments and/or critique for my poem?

You think you know who


I am, familiar


with all of my


flaws and


quirks that reside in


my exterior.








You think you can


read me so well,


that if my soul


was your bestselling


paperback novel,


then the pages


would be heavily


dogeared at the


corners and wearing


out with use.





However, in reality,


I am that paperback book, without the


dog-eared pages,an overlooked


but barely intact novel


on the outside, containing worn


and yellow pages that are


threatening to


let go from


the spine of


the book.





But, you continue to


be so oblivious.





Your mind continues to swirl


with a poisonous


fallacy that my beauty


in your eyes is real,


without the artificial traits.





Well the girl, the face


you are so familiar with


swirls down the drain


each night,


revealing all of my


grosteque flaws


behind your


unspuspecting


back.





I don't want to hide


the exterior of who I am,


but I have no other choice.





So, I will never be


able to lay my head


on your warm chest


and memorize


the slow, but


steady rhytmn of your


heartbeat,


beacuse I cannot bear


to see the flame


your eyes die


down to a


dim spark,


when the beautiful girl


you know rubs off


and sinks


into the softness of your


white tee.

What are your comments and/or critique for my poem?
its LONG but good
Reply:The middle east is birthplace of the worlds major religions and earliest civilizations.
Reply:I honestly do not care for the ending. It seems there must be a few more lines to take it up a notch.
Reply:It's lovely.


Except the ending lacks the creativity of your other stanzas (or whatever you call those breaks in the poems?)





when the beautiful girl


you know rubs off


and sinks


into the softness of your


white tee.





^^


i think you should come up with something else.


but all in all, it's a really great poem.
Reply:The subject matter is overused by teenagers, and some of your metaphores, while good, don't quite flow with the text. But it's a good start.
Reply:holy shitalke mushrooms. that is really good. i like it except that the lines are kinda choppy. well u know.....yea.....4get it, i dont know how to explain it! its really good!

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