I'm due to give birth in Sept to my 1st baby. I've a close relationship with my Mum %26amp; said to my partner (we don't live together) I may ask for Mum during labour. I just wanted his blessing %26amp; thought I probably wouldn't ask for her anyway, I just wanted the re-assurance.
He started on at me about how selfish I am %26amp; that it's about the mum and dad, not anyone else. Then he said to just ask her along anyway %26amp; that he won't be there.
I'm terrified of giving birth %26amp; have had a previous miscarriage (Mum was with me through that as my ex wasn't interested), this pregnancy hasn't been easy %26amp; I'm just looking at some re-assurance. My mum has always been there %26amp; a familiar female face would be welcome! His reaction has just upset me %26amp; added to the stress, especially as I had to nag him to get a job (as it is it's only part time, he lives with his parents so he has no bills to pay) %26amp; now I'm faced with the prospect of becoming jobless.
Has anyone been in the same boat? (I'm 31 %26amp; he's 28)
May ask for Mum at birth, Partner now withdrawn his support.?
It's your birth and you NEED to be selfish about it, you're going through the most of the work and discomfort and emotional turmoil of it. Many cultures ban all men from the birthing room and the woman's female family members all support her. Some birthing women just shut down with men in the room, it stops the process or slows it. It's up to you and don't think twice about asserting what you need.
Reply:Honestly, tell him tuff sh*t. You are the one giving birth, not him. A women needs her mom. You need the support of you mum, especially since he doesn't seem to be the comforting.
I know you heard it before, but don't stress about it now, everything will fall into place. Just focus of relaxing for the heath of your growing baby.
Reply:He's being very selfish. My husband and my mum were present at the birth of my 1st child. She wld never get the opportunity to see her grandchild being born and i thought of it as something special for her. When i gave birth to the other 2, it was just my husband with me. Tell yr partner to grow up! He's soon to be a father!
Reply:You should have anyone who will be a comfort for you in the delivery room. Shame on your partner for being so selfish. Is HE giving birth???No your are. He needs to give you whatever support you need...and that sometimes means stepping back. I hope he grows up before the baby gets here. Good luck to you!
Reply:he is being unreasonable, but I'm sure he will come round, I'm having my mum and my partner at the birth with me, most people i know have there mums and partners, good luck. He will come round he wont want to miss the birth x
Reply:I agree with michelle h...it's his baby too. Try explaining to him that you DO want him there too...but you'd like to have your mum for extra support. Reassure him that it'll only be him in there with you when baby arrives...that might help..
Reply:i think your best off without him. he sounds like a selfish lazy bum.
you obviously have a close relationship with your mum and with something as scary as childbirth you should be allowed your mum there without upsetting anybody i say!
Good luck!
Reply:I had my mum and my partner and wouldnt have had it any other way. Ask your mum anyway, she'll be great support for you....stuff him, he sounds like a right as**ole.........sorry xx
Reply:I WAS THERE WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN SEVEN YEARS AGO AND MY GIRLFRIEND'S MOM WAS ALSO THERE EVEN THOUGH WE DO NOT GET ALONG AT ALL. IT'S HIS LOSS AND HE'LL REGRET IT IN THE LONG RUN.
Reply:No, but stick to your guns. Your mom supports you, is there for you. He isn't. simple.
Reply:no offense but he sounds like a jerk and he sounds jealous you have a great relationship with your mom.
when i gave birth the first time wanted my mum there are my partner there and my partner could not believe i had asked my mum and stopped talking to me .
once i told him to grow up and start acting his age and that i needed the both of them there for support he did stop his sulking.
i am close to my mum she supported me through both my pregnancy's and i asked her to be there and she accepted just tell him to grow up ,worked for me and good luck Hun and baby dust to you
Reply:Sounds like your Mom will be with you longer than him. Sorry, but he sounds like he still has some growing to do. I wanted both with me until it came time. At that point I only wanted my husband and we did fine together. But then, he gave me wonderful emotional support and if he wouldn't have, my Mommy would have been with me! I can understand him wanting it to be just you two, but having a baby hurts! You need someone who will help you, not just stand there. Can he be that person for you?
Reply:No offense sweetheart but, he sounds like a total jerk! A 28 year old "man" who lives with his parents, pays no bills, and can't be bothered to help support his child is no good for you. My exhusband was much the same although he lived with me. I kicked that loser to the curb after a while and was much better for it. If he can't support you now in a very important time it just means that he won't be there for you later. Have your mom with you and tell him if he doesn't like it he can just stay far away. My ex told me I couldn't have a doula and tried to make her go away so, I had him barred from the hospital. He was really sorry he acted like an *** later. Of course later he decided not to work and that was when I kicked him out. Tell him to grow up or hit the road! You sound like an intelligent girl. Do what you think is best for you!
Reply:His response sounds like a knee jerk reaction (i.e. didn't engage brain before mouth,) and maybe a bit of jealousy. It may be he's thinking that you meant to have your mum there instead of him, rather than as well as - I'd check to see what he thought you said and this isn't just a misunderstanding.
He's wrong that it's about the mum and dad, birth is purely the mum's domain. You're the one who's going to be doing all the hard work and it's your right to choose who to have there with you. If you want your mum go ahead and ask her, your partner is going to have to like it or lump it - if he doesn't want to be there if she is then it's him who is being selfish and he'll be deigning himself a unique experience. Who else knows better about what it feels like to give birth than your own mum?
I had both my husband and my mum with me - partially because my hubby has a medical phobia and I was worried he wouldn't be able to cope with being in a hospital (mum was there to knock him down and sit on him if required). I wanted mum to be there for me if hubby had a panic attack, plus she was there for my nephew's birth and my earliest scan, so it seemed right to ask her.
Reply:Ultimately it is your decision. No-one elses.
Personally, i would have my mum there as she is the only person in the world who has unconditional love for you. You two seem to have been through alot together and personally, i would want her there.
However, the father of this baby seems like a right jerk and he obviously doesn't understnad the relationship between a mother and a daughter. If he is really interested in you and this baby he will stay for the birth whether your mum is there or not. You may find he is just a little insecure about both him and your mum seeing you in that state at the same time and may be worried about feeling embaressed.
I would explain this to my mum and see what she feels and unlitmately , depending on how strong your relationship is with your mum, ask for your mum to be there.
Reply:My mum , mother in law AND my husband were all there. Trust me my husband was the least useful of them all. I am really glad I had my mum there because I needed her to hold my head and I knew she had been through it all before, and mother in law held my hand and helped me pee and held a pad under me and everything and even though she wasnt meant to be there she was really great. Mums are the best. My husband got so tired that he fell asleep on the couch. He had to be woken up when I started pushing.
Reply:I've never been in that situation but maybe he was just looking forward to xperiencing this with you its very important to him to see his baby come into the world aswell. Now i understand the need to have your mum there for reassurance but is your bond with your partner not strong enough to give you the reassurance you need. Your about to do something really big together and i think its nice that he wants to be there from the beginning. Am sure if you spoke to your mum about your fears she would be able to suggest the best course of action that wouldnt upset anyone and im sure she would be overjoyed that you thought of her being at the birth . Afterall mum's know best.Am sure your partner meant well but you are the mum and at the end of the day it is your decision. I wish you all the best with this one and hope it all works out ok. Congratulations
Reply:not in your situation however, i told my husband that i wanted my mom in the delivery room. so they were both there. i'm also really close and it meant so much to her and all of us for her to be there. she is so close with my son to this day its unbelievable. my son is definitely grandma's little boy. however my mom also took 3 weeks off work to help me take care of him when he was born. some goes this time. I'm having a scheduled c-section so she will be there for as soon as she can. however if i were you i would sit him down and talk to him. tell him that your mom has always been there for you and he needs to understand that. and tell him that you want him to be there for his unborn child as well. tell him that it isn't always just about the parents especially because you will probably be asking or just receiving help from your parents anyways.
good luck and congrats
Reply:Ignore those thick and stupid comments, i cant advise it enough to make sure you have your mum there, if your that close as i am with mine you will be so glad, sod what anyone else thinks even the dad its his loss if he wants to be the selfish one, its you going through all the pain NOT him!!
I had my mum there at both of my sons births and i will at this next one too in Sept, she really helped and did things to help that no man would know how to do!!
Tell him to like it or lump it but he'll come round if he doesn't is he really worth it????
Its down to YOU who you have with you through this most traumatic time and also wonderful time of your life dont let anyone tell you what to do xx good luck xx
Reply:he sounds like a selfish git. tell him that if he wants to control who is there at the birth then he can be the one pushing a baby out his vagina. god men are such idiots.
i wouldnt want my bf there either watching me scream and pant and look totally unattractive whilst im in agony, tbh i'd probably punch him in the bollocks to make sure he feels some of the labour too.
Reply:He has a valid point. True you are the one giving birth. but he is the father and wants to participate in the birth of his child. He has that right. I am sorry but you are wrong to deny his right to be a father at the start. Be thankfull your baby has a loving father. As for your mom she should back away until you two resolve this issue.
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